


When You Love Someone

by strayeffects



Series: Autophobia. [1]
Category: Stray Kids (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Childhood Friends, Alternate Universe - College/University, Angst, Best Friends, Choking, Drug-Induced Sex, Han Jisung | Han & Kang Younghyun | Young K are Siblings, Kidnapping, Loss of Virginity, M/M, Mentioned Bang Chan, Mentioned Han Jisung | Han, Mentioned Lee Minho | Lee Know, Mentioned Seo Changbin, Rape, Recreational Drug Use, Seungmin is wearing eyeglasses, Sexual Content, Short Exposure Yuri and Yeji, Smut, Swearing, Teenage Drama
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-16
Updated: 2020-05-16
Packaged: 2021-03-03 05:34:10
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 1
Words: 10,722
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24049765
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/strayeffects/pseuds/strayeffects
Summary: Seungmin just wanted to pursue his dream on the other country and wishes the best for his childhood best friend. Hyunjin doesn't want that to happen.It's just he can't afford to lose another important person on his life anymore.
Relationships: Hwang Hyunjin/Kim Seungmin
Series: Autophobia. [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1746331
Comments: 17
Kudos: 143





	When You Love Someone

**Author's Note:**

> Warning: Rape/Non-Con and Usage of Drugs as the tags say. Hyunjin will be a bad friend at the end.
> 
> This story focuses on Hyunjin and Seungmin. The title itself was inspired to Day6's When You Love Someone.

  


  


Kim Seungmin had known his bestfriend Hyunjin for many, many years. 

  


The bond between them is something that has never been broken. They became friends since six and remained that way throughout the years. The dynamic in the friendship was something unusual (for everyone but not for them). They didn't understand the boundaries best friends should have. They might be a different person with different personalities, but that didn't became a hindrance to become impossibly close.

  


They were just a play mate before reaching the age of seven.

  


Seungmin could still remember how starry-eyed kid he was that time, awaiting night time just for an adventure. But that was back then, when adventure, to Seungmin, meant a bedtime story from his rich mother and father.

  


He never expected that the cute, sun-kissed boy that always wore mismatched socks which also living near their household, would become a constant in his life, or would even notice him, really.

  


Never once expected to find a best friend in that boy, either.

  


He still doesn't know if the two of them would've become friends, if it only wasn't for Hyunjin's mother, sending him over to their doorstep with a plate of freshly, deliciously cake of who knows who cooked. 

  


That same fateful afternoon, Hyunjin knocked on their door, and politely asked for Seungmin's mom if she could allow him to play with his son. Seungmin just stood shyly behind his mother's legs and watched, terrified, as she smiled and agreed and kept repeating over and over just how wonderful she thought it was, that kids were being friendly and at such innocent age. 

  


Of course, she ended up shooing Seungmin out of their house, sending him on his merry way with a complete stranger. He couldn't fully understand that time why does her mother want him to interact with a stranger, knowing that they didn't know each other that much.

  


Maybe because she just thought that he seemed charming, just _so charming_ and sweet too.

  


It took a moment to realize that he's currently standing in front of Hyunjin, with his cars being given to him. 

  


"Why do you want me to play with you?" Seungmin asked curiously.

  


"I wanna play with you 'cos my mom and dad's kinda fighting right now, don't wanna hear them fighting again."

  


Seungmin grabbed at the back of his head in shock, clutching tightly, unable to even squeak out as he spun on his heel and watched Hyunjin, cars in hand, now hugging his knees out while making the car move with his tiny hand. He doesn't know what to do that time until he decided to sit beside him, his hand now playing with his car, he followed the direction of Hyunjin's car while staring at him with a genuine smile. 

  


"They're just having a misunderstanding, they will get over with that later for sure!" Seungmin tried to cheer him up, and it seems effective though as he saw Hyunjin smile at the encouragement.

  


"I hope so..."

  


He felt oddly satisfied and happy that he'd made a friend that time, the very first one in his life. He did wish, though, that his mother or father had taught him that he should _never trust a pretty face._

  


Although, even today, knowing what he knew, he doubts the lesson would've took.

  


-

  


  


When they both reached the age of nine years, Hyunjin said he was going to run away from home.

  


It was creeping up on one in the dawn, when he snuck through Seungmin's bedroom window, vouching that he'll never, ever come back, because his mother had stepped over his beloved paint art.

  


"I dunno why she tried cleaning my room, because like, can't she read the "Do Not Enter!" sign? She's gonna regret it for the rest of her life, because I'll never gonna coming back!"

  


Seungmin just watches him with his adorable, sleepy look.

  


"What?" Hyunjin asked with a pout.

  


"Min, are you coming with me or are you too weakshit to go?"

  


Seungmin didn't answer though, instead, he quickly rubbed the sleepiness away from his eyes and without even changing out of his pyjamas, he shoved his feet into a pair of shoes.

  


Not wanting to be unprepared for their journey, he asked the older "Hyunjin, where are we going?"

  


“We should go to the forest. We could live in a cave and become like those people from the stories, Seungmin! It'll gonna be so cool, the two of us living as bandits! We could be the best buddy right there."

  


Admittedly it _did_ sound pretty cool. But then again Hyunjin _was_ cool and he only ever suggested cool things. His judgement was safe and sound. Seungmin will be trusted for this.

  


While Hyunjin helped him pack his backpack, he tiptoed into their kitchen and took as many snacks as his hands could carry, because they needed provisions to survive in the wilderness.

  


Hyunjin cleverly played on his cool imaginations, but he probably never realized that it was _him_. He'd always been Seungmin's weakness.

  


They have gotten to know each other even just for a short time. Sadly, their planned didn't work since Hyunjin got allergies from one of the thorned bushes and grass. Seungmin cried that time, not only because Hyunjin got allergies, but also because his parents got angry and lectured him for hours. 

  


Seungmin was punished without Hyunjin knowing.

  


They were really the 'bestest', best friends in the whole wide world as they both got grounded for an entire week and that was the longest time they've gone without seeing each other.

  


-

  


  


It was the age of 12 when he himself witnessed the calling for Hyunjin's passion for dancing. 

  


"He's not good at dancing, he just looks like a robot swaying his hands like that." Hyunjin whispered to Seungmin while watching their schoolmate performing on the stage. 

  


Seungmin chuckled at what he had stated. He truly listens and understands Hyunjin all the time. 

  


"I'm way better than him, I can do better." he stated confidently.

  


"Why don't you just show me what you got instead of degrading others, perfect boy?"

  


Hyunjin stood up and gave Seungmin a determined look. 

  


"Watch me." He began rolling his upper body playfully, and there, Seungmin laughed with a "Oh God Hyunjin, you look like an idiot."

  


Hyunjin grinned and objected, because despite of his best friend being sassy on him, he knew to himself that Seungmin had all of his support on him.

  


-

  


  


Years later and their relationship hasn't changed, well, it has but it's still the same premise of the promise they made to each other in first grade. They would be best friends _forever_.

  


They are still best friends but maybe, the two of them became even _closer_.

  


Seungmin can't explain what he feels with Hyunjin over the years and by that he means he's _amazed_. He can't even believe how every thing clicks between them. He had spent most of the years in his life looking after his friend like a lost puppy. Hyunjin want that though, wherever Hyunjin went, Seungmin _should_ follow, should because that's what all Hyunjin wants, them being together all the time.

  


Their dynamic had also changed, by high school Seungmin had gotten taller and so Hyunjin. When they were freshmen a group of seniors thought it was funny to mess around with Seungmin for being a nerdy guy he was. Hyunjin reminded himself that time that wearing glasses and being studious does not mean he should be underestimated.

  


Hyunjin got suspended for a week because he broke a seniors nose.

  


3rd year of high school when Hyunjin cried for the whole night after knowing from his neighbors that his parents got separated. His mother left and his father remained at the house, usually drinking alcohol. He couldn't process that information since as far as he knew, Hyunjin's parents were happy when they were both young. How could that sad separation happened? The older ended up crying against Seungmin's neck though and the younger just comforted him with soothing words and encouragements. Hyunjin kept on saying that Seungmin was the only person that he had, that he _shouldn't_ leave him, that he couldn't afford losing important person on his life anymore. Seungmin didn't leave him that time though. He promised him that he would never leave his side until the end because that's what friends are for, right? Never leaving each other's side through ups and downs. 

  


Their friendship became stronger after that. And still, whether he admit or not, Seungmin was amazed how their relationship work progressively.

  


-

  


  


"Bro this will gonna be so exciting–" Hyunjin said at the first day of them being college students. "Starting today, we will gonna be cool college students as fuck. Let us enjoy our whole college days, shall we?"

  


Seungmin, being a silent boy he was, just smiled and nodded in agreement.

  


-

  


  


"Man, here's what I'm thinking." Hyunjin said while laying on the cemented floor of the rooptop, his head resting on to Seungmin's bag while his friend was just flipping his book, reading for their next lesson. "We should totally join a school club and become popular. Cute girls absolutely dig that shit."

  


Seungmin stopped and considered his words carefully. There was a time when they helped Jisung and Younghyun get better at soccer, the four of them playing 'siblings vs best friends' in their backyard. The squirrel siblings always _did_ kick their asses, but that wasn't because they sucked. They were just _that_ much better at kicking the goddamn ball.

  


"Which club should we join?"

  


"I'm thinking the soccer one. Wanna know why?"

  


"Why?"

  


"Because one of their managers is also a first year and she's a girl. A _really_ cute girl."

  


It never really stopped surprising Seungmin over the years, just how differently their minds worked.

  


But that didn't stop him on approving on Hyunjin's invitation though. "Sure. Yeah, Jinnie, let's do that. Let's join the soccer club."

  


They became part of the school's soccer team. Seungmin witnessed how Hyunjin flirted with the manager. They were lucky enough that they didn't have to come out, everyone just knew Seungmin liked boys and girls and Hyunjin liked only girls. He could notice how their manager gladly likes Hyunjin accompanying her. He didn't know why, but he kinda feel _sad_ , well, just slight. That wasn't a _big_ deal though.

  


He should be happy for his best friend. He should be feeling _proud_.

  


Yes, he feels happy. He feels so proud for Hyunjin flirting with other.

  


-

  


  


Hyunjin was always the cooler between them, so it didn't really surprise Seungmin, when the rest of the boys at his section kept up with Hyunjin's trend fashion setting.

  


There was this showing his dancer phase, when Hyunjin listened to nothing but Got7, wearing jeans and t-shirts two sizes baggier.

  


To be fair, Hyunjin never pressured him into trying anything, ever, well except for Seungmin to picked up smoking. He kinda like that though, it helped him in lessening stress at the school and it makes him even more concentrated.

  


And oh, there was also a time when, oh God, that was _so_ awful. Hyunjin wore a fake lip ring, that kept switching sides every other day. He kept swearing to everyone that it was real even though they both know it wasn't. Seungmin rolled his eyes at that, but he ended up supporting him on his little lies though. There was also lots of black eyeliner involved too - borrowed from his cousins - and checkered Vans. But the worst thing was the emo music. Seungmin felt like an old man, eighteen-going-on-sixty, because to him, the things Hyunjin listened to were the booming, updated songs.

  


Of course, it was his job, as a true best friend to support Hyunjin's various interests. And he actually developed a genuine fondness of the way Hyunjin started to style his hair, bangs over his eyes. He didn't know if Hyunjin could actually see with that thing, but it suited him. 

  


And the hairdo went through some evolution - undeniable upgrades - but it's the only memento from his emo days that Seungmin kept over the years.

  


-

  


  


Seungmin should have noticed it. 

  


If Seungmin was looking closely, he probably would have noticed all the signs. The hair petting, the giggles, the touches, the clings and slaps on his arm, the desserts that showed up inside his locker every noon and the pink, scented cards attached to them, signed with nothing but a codename 'Y' and a heart beside it.

  


But he never did, not closely, at least not _there_.

  


After their first home game of the season, Yuri and her friends joined them at the door way of their locker rooms, and, unwillingly, their captain just let them all enter.

  


"Seungminnie!" Yuri hugged him, not caring just how gross and sweaty Seungmin was. "You– you were _amazing_ out there!"

  


Seungmin knows her. He was her classmate in music class, they were both taking music major, and she was surely the most friendly person within their class, for being friendly she was, he had discover from her that she was Hyunjin's cousin. What a small world, isn't it?

  


He was shocked though when he sees her at the crowd, practically waving a banner displaying "I love Kim Seungmin".

  


Seungmin didn't see it, but Hyunjin's face became murder-red after seeing his cousin hugging his best friend.

  


"Hey, Yuri! Get the fuck out of here, now!"

  


That wasn't heard though as a string of teasing had followed from the girls and from their co-players, directed at both Seungmin and Hyunjin a choir of different yet all the same "Duuude, could your cousin's crush be _any_ more obvious?" and "Yo, Seungmin, when will be the wedding? Mind inviting us all?"

  


-

  


When they walked out into the exit of the university, they both decided to go home at their dorm so that they could take a rest after a tiring play earlier.

  


"Hey man, I'm very sorry about that–" Hyunjin opened up.

  


"About what, Hyunj?" Seungmin asked, his eyes boring on the others curiously.

  


"Yuri is just - she's such a freak–"

  


Before, Seungmin is enjoying whatever disses Hyunjin would say to others, but now, he didn't quite enjoy hearing that his best friend thought his cousin having a crush on him made her a freak. Because what did that even fucking mean, that nobody in their right state of mind would be interested in him, was that it?

  


Instead of throwing tantrums at him, he just settled for a sneery chuckle and laughed obnoxiously.

  


"By the way, Seungminnie. I had a good news for you~" Hyunjin sing songs gladly, Seungmin suddenly became intrigued.

  


"What is it?" the younger asked.

  


Hyunjin stopped on walking so that he could face the younger. Seungmin mirrored him though.

  


"Yeji and I are dating!" he exclaimed happily.

  


_Oh._

  


"Really?" That was... _fast_.

  


Hyunjin looked at him with his pretentious, hurted look.

  


"What's with the reaction? Are you not happy for me?"

  


"Actually..." Seungmin pats Hyunjin's shoulder, his eyes staring intently at him. 

  


"I'm kinda worried for Yeji—" 

  


"Jesus!"

  


Seungmin laughed at Hyunjin's reaction. He wants to laugh at Hyunjin's nervous reaction but he ended up encouraging him.

  


"So happy for you, Hyunjin." he hugged Hyunjin, patting his back like that. The older hugged back with a sigh.

  


"Thanks Seungmin, my man. You're the best."

  


That time, Seungmin wanted to set aside the inkling pain on his heart. But that didn't happen as he hasn't easily fall asleep that night while listening to Hyunjin's snores.

  


-

  


  


Nobody was more excited than Hyunjin for their foundation week/school trip. He rambled and rambled for how exciting it was, based from their seniors experiences.

  


Seungmin was waiting for Hyunjin when he suddenly remembered that Hyunjin will join Yeji at the bus. 

  


_So Hyunjin had replaced me already huh?_

  


Seungmin chuckled internally at the playful thought and just decided to go to the bus all by himself.

  


As soon as he had entered the bus, the first person that caught his eyes is Hyunjin, of course along with Yeji. They were both sitting at the very back, particularly at the last column of the seat.

  


"Seungs!" he called him loudly, his hand patting the vacant seat beside Yeji. "We reserved a seat for you!"

  


Seungmin nods at that before making his way to the back. As soon as he had reached and shifted on the seat comfortably, he instantly sees the exposed belly of a girl in front of him. He slowly creeps his eyes up to her face, and there, he sees Yuri with a cute smile on her face. She's wearing a crop top with a print of his favorite band Day6. 

  


"Can I sit beside you?" she pointed the vacant seat beside Seungmin, and Seungmin smiled and nodded at approval.

"Yes, you can."

  


Yuri giggled at that before sitting comfortably beside Seungmin. The boy just bored his eyes absentmindedly at the print of her crop top before he decided to turned his gaze away and just pulled his earphones on, so that he could listen to his all time favorite band.

  


When the bus had started to move, he leaned his head at the head rest and decided to take a little nap but Yuri stopped him in doing it so. 

  


"Seungminnie, I know how much you want mint flavor. Would you like to have some?" she extended her mint candy to her. 

  


"No, thank you, I'm good. Nice shirt, by the way." he nodded at her shredded crop top, not minding her exposed belly since he was more interested what was _on_ it and not _beneath_ it. "I didn't knew you like Day6."

  


"Oh my god, they're only like, my favourite band!" Yuri gushed.

  


"Hey! Don't listen to my lying shithead cousin Seungmin, man, she's only saying that because they're _your_ favourite." Hyunjin suddenly sneered. "Hey, cousin, I'll give you my entire allowance for today if you can name one song by Day6. Just one."

  


Yuri completely unabashed, flipped both her hair and middle fingers at Hyunjin, before decided to face in front with her grumpy face and her arms crossed. Hyunjin smirked with pride that time.

  


-

  


  


"Fuck, Hyunjin, stop apologizing about your cousin already!"

  


They were both heading their way to their destined room at the hotel when Seungmin exclaimed that.

  


"It's just– she's _so_ fucking obvious, bro. She didn't listen to me at all. You should have just told her to fuck off. She just keeps being annoying as fuck!" Hyunjin groaned. "How can you stand that shit, man?"

  


"I don't know. She's not even that bad." Seungmin shrugged. "I mean, your cousin's kinda cute." Seungmin watches Hyunjin rolled his eyes, "Oh come on Jinnie, like you don't have working eyes."

  


"You have such shitty taste in girls, man, holy fuck." Hyunjin scrunched up his nose.

  


Seungmin wondered if Hyunjin would be acting the same way if he was talking about his taste in guys.

  


Well. No. Not guys. Just this one.

  


But never in a million years he'll ask.

  


"Changbin hyung challenged you to a mukbang war." Hyunjin stated with his cold voice once they have reached their room, his bag pack being placed on the floor aggressively.

  


Seungmin rested his body on the bed, feeling exhausted, not minding Hyunjin having tantrums for unknown reason.

  


"So?"

  


"You should go and kick his ass, it's for the both of us." 

  


Seungmin just stared at the ceiling.

  


"Nah, maybe some other time."

  


"The others are grilling barbecue at the camp outside."

  


Seungmin didn't respond. But when Hyunjin let out a noncommittal grunt, Seungmin tried to change the subject.

  


"Your girlfriend's probably waiting for you there."

  


"Be surprised if she wasn't, idiot."

  


"We don't have to do _everything_ together."

  


Hyunjin stared at the younger, unamused.

  


"Listen man, let me just stop you with your bullshits right now 'cause this is my room too, you know!"

  


Seungmin stared at Hyunjin with his curious eyes. Why the fuck is he angry right now though?

  


"C'mon, Hyunjin, we both know how much you were looking forward to being here with everyone. I don't want you to regret missing out on all the fun by being stuck here with me." He's telling the Goddamn truth though. Not all the time they were at each other's side. They were not a child anymore unlike before that they were both attached to their hip. They should have stop their bullshits anymore especially now that Hyunjin has a girlfriend.

  


"What the fuck did you just say to me?" Hyunjin asked as he kicked Seungmin's bed angrily, nostrils flaring and eyes flaming. He was _furious_.

  


"Didn't you ever stop thinking that what I was looking forward to was spending more time with you? 'Cause that's what I'm trying to do here, man, but you're not fucking letting me. You think I'm gonna regret being here with you? Fuck you, asshole!"

  


Seungmin swallowed the emotional lump lodged in his throat. _Jesus Christ, Hyunjin, why are you being like this?_

  


"I don't think it's a crime that I wanna be with my best friend. But if that's what _you_ think, well, sorry, Seungmin, man, so fucking sorry. You can kick my fucking ass!"

  


Hyunjin's vocabulary and his form of expression were Seungmin didn't expected. And the more he swore, the more it _hurts_.

  


The love they shared for each other was worlds away and galaxies apart, Seungmin was all too aware of that.

  


But love was love and in a way, that was the closest thing he ever got to an "I love you" confession from Hyunjin.

  


The older was too mad to even look at him, which is why he dramatically slammed the door with a "Going out for a walk!" to blow off some steam.

  


Seungmin was okay with that, because he already had a plan for the perfect peace offering. A boring ass apology wasn't it, of course, no, not with them, never. Because words were cheap. Action was what always mattered.

  


-

  


  


His plan didn't work though. Through the whole camp, his girlfriend was always there beside Hyunjin, clinging on him like her life depends on it.

  


But he doesn't need to worry anything though. From the way Hyunjin stares at him every time their passes each other, every time he watches him while talking and laughing with Yuri, every time he spends his time with their co-soccer members, he knows deep inside that Hyunjin wants to bring back the things that they've used to do.

  


-

  


"Hyunjin, how's the camp?"

  


That was Seungmin asked as soon as they both reached their dorm after their camping.

  


"It was good, bro, real fuckin' good. It cleared my head, so now I feel alive." Hyunjin shrugged off his jacket and sat cross legged on the floor. "You know what I feel like doing? I feel like wanting to do something stupid."

  


"Tell me."

  


"I wanna drink. Let's go buy some. Then we can get piss drunk and we could start a fight or something! The third year volleyball players have been pissing me off so much lately."

  


Great minds really think alike.

  


  


Best friends minds really _did_ think alike.

  


"Guess what, Jinnie." Seungmin made his way into their small kitchen and returned with two glasses. He sat in front of Hyunjin and pulled his backpack into his lap, taking out an array of tiny liquor bottles and placing them on the floor all around them. "I'll pour you a drink first, and I'll fight you later."

  


"Holy shit! Did you get all this from our mini bar?!" Hyunjin asked.

  


"I took them from the rooms of all the people that have wronged us in some way." He listed the people off his fingers. “All the volleyball third years for not taking us seriously. Changbin hyung and Minho hyung, because they always flirt with your girlfriend. Chan hyung, because he took the Vice Captain position, and I know how much you wanted it–"

  


"I actually don't mind that Chan made Vice Captain."

  


"Well, whatever." Seungmin shrugged. 

  


"But… I thought the teachers took the keys from all the mini bars? They said so when we got there."

  


"You'd be surprised what a guy could do with lots of time on his hands and a bobby pin." Seungmin grinned. 

  


Hyunjin threw his head back and laughed

  


"Wow, just wow. The studious student has become the bad boy now huh." Hyunjin clapped and pretended to cry as he wipe his 'tears' playfully "Seungmin, my man, I'm so fuckin' proud of you."

  


"Well, you've been a great teacher to me, where else would I learned such badass moves?" Seungmin offered his glass up. "To best friends."

  


"To us, bro." Hyunjin agreed, clinking their glass together.

  


They didn't get the chance to fight, at least not that night, because they were too busy executing their own damn game.

  


"I'm _so_ hating myself tomorrow morning, Hyunj." Seungmin groaned.

  


"Yo, Seungminnie, concentrate here, man!" Hyunjin slapped him across the face, making his glasses fly out of reach. The older immediately get that though. "Hah!"

  


"Please give those back if you want me to see anything."

  


Hyunjin tried them on, tipping Seungmin's glasses up the bridge of his nose. "Jesus Christ, Seung, you're so fucking blind."

  


Admittedly, Seungmin never had 20/20 vision. But he didn't need his glasses to see what he had always seen.

  


Because for all the things that Seungmin was seeing or wasn't, there will always one thing that he'll never get tired of looking at, and that was _beautiful_.

  


Seungmin was never blind to see that.

  


"Fine, don't give them back, but please _do_ take them off, before you get a headache."

  


"Don't you worry, my dude, I'll get that headache tomorrow morning." Hyunjin grinned, while removing the glasses. He carefully folded the frames and placed them somewhere on top of the desk. "C'mon, you don't need them now. I'll read the words out for you."

  


Seungmin was already having trouble concentrating, but when Hyunjin rested his head on his shoulder, he knew it was _game over_. It wasn't the effect of the alcohol that made him feel trippy. It was the smoothness of Hyunjin's dark hair and skin against his, the apple scented shampoo filling his nostrils, the strands of hair tickling his chin.

  


"Eight letters, second is I." Hyunjin drummed his fingers against his cheek. "Any guesses?"

  


"I'm thinking." Seungmin mumbled, unable to actually think.

  


The older screeched out a deafeningly loud buzzer noise, right into his ear, before yelling. "Time's up! You lose, man. You fuckin' lose!"

  


"Well, what was the consequence though?"

  


"How about this?"

  


Hyunjin clambered over until he got Seungmin below him, straddling his stomach and holding Seungmin's hands down with his own. The half smirk and the mischievous gleam in Hyunjin's eyes were making Seungmin's pulse echo inside his head.

  


"Hyunjin, what are you–" was all Seungmin could get out before Hyunjin was kissing him, making both of them completely quiet.

  


Seungmin could feel Hyunjin's sinking his hands wrist deep into the younger's shiny thick hair, tangling his fingers in, and he felt Hyunjin's tongue slide against his bottom lip and then right on it, soft and rough at the same time, like asking for permission. _Can I please?_

  


Hyunjin _could_. Anything Hyunjin wanted, he _could._

  


But he suddenly remembered that Hyunjin has a _girlfriend_.

  


In an instant, he pulled Hyunjin's frame away from him, they both look at each other's eyes. And there, he just suddenly felt his eyes getting wet. But as usual, Hyunjin wouldn't notice that.

  


"We _should_ not do this, Hyunjin." he whispered with such bitterness.

  


Hyunjin just nodded, his eyes getting near to it's close as he ended up resting his face on Seungmin's shoulder. "Let's just sleep then."

  


Seungmin probably should've felt really fucking embarrassed from kissing his best friend like that, but he wasn't, not at all.

  


As if he wasn't already idiotically in love with his best friend.

  


Hyunjin was just drunk, that's it. He'll gonna forget that tomorrow. And for him, he'll gonna get over that _soon_.

  


Tomorrow had passed though, and his mind had been a hazy thing, clouded from all the alcohol and Hyunjin, and he wondered if he just made the entire thing up in his head.

  


But the teasing of his best friend telling him that his lips tastes good was already a proof that it _was real_. It seems that Hyunjin doesn't give a big deal on it, but for Seungmin, it was indeed a _very big_ deal. But as always, he acted like he wasn't affected, and just let that pass even though deep inside, he will never, ever forget how they lips touched.

  


-

  


  


"Seungmin, you know what, I've been thinking–" Hyunjin opened up, "In less than a year, we'd be graduates." Time really flies so fast. He started roll calling each dreaded item on Seungmin's internal list, like he wasn't already painfully aware of every single one of those things. Graduation, year end parties, OJTs, all these huge life choices they were all supposed to make. That's all everyone was already talking about. Students, parents, teachers. Everyone. "Shit's gonna start changing real soon."

  


The problem was that shit _had_ already started changing.

  


The summer before senior year was already different to the previous carefree summers they were used to.

  


LAN parties, midnight picnics and waking up in the afternoon were a thing in the past, because Hyunjin had to be fresh faced for finding jobs related to dancing, while Seungmin had his plate full with all the composing and singing classes he signed up for.

  


  


Before their last year of being a college student would come to a start, Hyunjin wanted was for them to get matching tattoos of each others initials. Seungmin decided to put his tattoo on his right ankle, Hyunjin copied him, and Seungmin didn't give a fuck why Hyunjin was taking so long.

  


It hurts like motherfucking bitch, it really hurt.

  


It hurts, for now. But he'll get over this pain soon. _He'll gonna get over this feeling soon._

  


-

  


  


They always say senior year was going to be the best, but it was quickly becoming Seungmin's worst nightmare.

  


He laughed and smiled and joined the gang at parties and hangouts and everything, but it was all on the surface. His happiness wasn't true, but forced, and that was so _tiring_.

  


He knew it was undeniably childish to be upset over the fact that Hyunjin didn't spend all of his time with him and him alone. But childish or not, it still stung. A _lot_.

  


"We're going to the cinema tonight." Hyunjin said as they headed towards the gym for morning practice. "Bro, you're coming, right?"

  


Seungmin swallowed down the pain building up in his chest.

  


The _we_ he was used to was Hyunjin and him. But that was no more. Now, the _we_ meant Hyunjin and Yeji, and he was the _third wheel._

  


"Which movie?" He asked in pretend interest, as if it mattered, as if he hadn't already made up his mind to _not_ go.

  


"We haven't yet decided actually."

  


"Mmm, I hope it will be enjoyable though."

  


"I'm with my fucking girlfriend, dude. Of course it'll gonna be good and enjoyable. So are you coming?"

  


"I'm sorry but I can't, Hyunj, I have an essay to finish."

  


"But it's Saturday tomorrow, man."

  


"I know, but it's for my writing class–" he shrugged apologetically. "–wish I could come, though."

  


They both knew he didn't, but Hyunjin didn't say anything after that.

  


-

  


  


"Oh God, thank for letting me copy your answer for the exam later." Hyunjin stated as he stretched his arms gladly. 

  


"Seungmin, I honestly don't know what to do without you, you're such an angel in disguise."

  


"Crash and die, probably." Seungmin responded rudely. Hyunjin laughed at agreement.

  


But that will not gonna happen for sure, because Hyunjin was doing just fine and it was him that was slowly _crashing_ and _dying_ all over this time.

  


-

  


  


"Seungmin, you're gonna join us later. Yuri will be there."

  


Seungmin stopped on writing and just let out a sigh.

  


"Seungmin."

  


Hyunjin knew he planned on ditching and going home, which is why he joined him when he went to library during his vacant. Hyunjin also knew that he was a _weak_ , weak thing. He all knew how to make him stay, and that was just by saying his name and giving him that glance, that pleading _'please-don't-leave'_ glance that tugged on the younger's heartstrings.

  


And so he stayed.

  


He didn't mind staying.

But he couldn't stay _forever_.

  


  


-

  


  


Seungmin was still drying his hair when Hyunjin joined him in his bed.

  


"Kim fucking Seungmin you were supposed to be ready." Hyunjin groaned. "What the fuck, Seungmin, our rented car will gonna be here in half an hour!"

  


Hyunjin was in a midnight blue tux and a matching bowtie, combed hair and a little cream colored flower thing pinned to his chest. His looks is not for college's Year End Party. His looks' for red carpet all the way.

  


Seungmin was having a real hard time doing anything but staring. He forgot blinking was a thing.

  


"Hello? Earth to Seungs? What the fuck, man, are you with me?"

  


"You… Hyunjin, you-" He heard himself stutter, what the actual fuck. "You clean up nice."

  


"Thanks, Seung, I appreciate it. But what I'd appreciate even more if you hurried the fuck up! Yeji's gonna skin me alive if we're late. My shithead cousin too." Hyunjin pressed his lips together. "I still can't believe you're taking her to the Year End's. Fuck. What is wrong with you."

  


The truth was that Seungmin didn't want to take Yuri to the Year Ends. He didn't want to take any girl to the party simply because he didn't want to go _at all_.

  


Seungmin sighed and pulled on his trousers.

  


Hyunjin faked a yawn and muttered something under his breath that sounded like "he'd need a hip replacement soon", "hurry the fuck up, Seungmin bla bla". He started poking around Seungmin's desk beside him until "Oh. Seungmin, what's this?"

  


Seungmin began panicking internally.

  


"Fuck Hwang, be careful with it!" Seungmin rushed over, only one arm inside his shirt. "Put it down."

  


Hyunjin was basically holding Seungmin's whole future in his hands. His audition acceptance letter. 

  


He was already sporting a headache and feeling dreadful, so of course this was gonna happen at _the worst_ time possible, this was gonna happen _today_. Why the fuck not.

  


Hyunjin looked at it a little while longer, making some sort of sound like he was thinking it over, before setting it down, neat and pristine.

  


"They offered me a full ride and I'd be insane to turn it down." Seungmin said, because he had to say something. He had to say enough for the both of them. "Hyunjin, it's a fucking good opportunity, I'd be able to pursue my dreams in the U.S."

  


"Good for who?" Hyunjin asked coldly. He couldn't believe he witnessed how Hyunjin's expression quickly changed.

  


"For… who? For me!"

  


"And what about me?" Hyunjin licked his lips, his eyes staring at him _deadly._ "Did you think about me at all, huh?"

  


"Oh, seriously, you told me before that you can easily get jobs here. You had the looks. They will surely not turned you down, man."

  


Hyunjin just stared at him, unamused.

  


"What, did you actually think I'd stay on standby until the end? This whole year felt like I didn't have a best friend anymore."

  


"Seungmin, that's a shitty thing to say."

  


"It's an even shittier way to feel, Hyunjin."

  


"What?!" Hyunjin aggressively stood up, making his desk moved at the side.

  


"If it bothered you so much, why didn't you fucking tell me?"

  


"It's not like you were there for me that much to talk to you."

  


"Look, I only wanted to spend more time with the gang, because who knows when's gonna be the next time we all get to hang out together. I thought you would understand that–"

  


"How could I possibly understand, Hyunjin?"

  


"Because we had a promise, dude. We were both gonna work together, remember? I thought we'd- I dunno, rent out a place and, yeah, my grades aren't as good as yours, so we could never had the same level of jobs, but that wouldn't have mattered, because we'd still be cool ass roommates living together." Hyunjin swallowed. "Did you forget about that?"

  


"No, Hyunjin, I didn't. But you can't really blame me for not taking any chances with you, not when you've been flighty on me all year."

  


They stared at each other silently. Seungmin can't read the expression within Hyunjin's eyes. It's just pure stoic, emotionless. 

  


"So you're going to the States, huh."

  


Seungmin sighed. "Well, not like tomorrow or anything, but yeah, I am."

  


Hyunjin held his forehead. Seungmin just watched.

  


"Seungmin, did you actually plan on telling me? Or were you just gonna leave?"

  


"As if like you'll gonna notice that I'm gone."

  


"Asshole." Hyunjin chuckled like he was being physically struck by his best friend. 

  


"So I guess I'll gonna find a job alone then, since I didn't really apply anywhere yet and don't have any other options." Hyunjin laughed bitterly. "I never thought you'd just ditch me behind, Seungmin. This shit doesn't just blow, man, it kinda _kills_."

  


"Ditching you behind? No, I just did what you did to me, dude. And hey, you can always look on the bright side of things. Now you'll have _all_ the time in the world to hang out with the rest of the guys. We're not the child that were practically attached to the hip anymore. We're both adult now, we have our own decisions to make. I still do care for you, but it's not my problem what you do, Hyunjin, it's not 'our' problem anymore."

  


Hyunjin hadn't cried in front of him since they were in high school but it looked like that was about to change.

  


And looking at Hyunjin's shiny eyes, all he could think was _he was still the Hyunjin that he used to know._

  


-

  


  


Seungmin didn't object when Yuri took him by the hand and led him to the open, locker room of the soccer team. He objected even less when she pinned him at the locker, her eyes shining and his lips curling upwards while she look at up him with her half lidded eyes.

  


Everyone at the team mutually agreed that the Hwang kids have all hit the genetically beautiful traits. 

  


Yuri is such a teen royalty, as if she was following into his cousin's footsteps, turning heads and snapping necks everywhere she went in their cheer leading uniforms and gold pom poms.

  


Seungmin knew that almost every guy at school would be lucky to be in his shoes. And he also knew that it was all kind of messed up that while Yuri was kissing him, his only thought was _'that's not how your cousin does it'_.

  


She desperately untied Seungmin's tie, and was begging, her whispers hot and dirty against his ear. Did he wanna fuck? Yeah, of course he did, he was only human. But as fucked up in the head as he was, Seungmin has no protection, and he knew if he crossed that border, there was no coming back from it.

  


"Don't. Yuri, don't– just stop, alright?" Seungmin pulled her off and held her shoulders. His head was dizzy and he took a couple of breaths. "No means no."

  


"I don't fucking care Seungmin–" she aggressively pulls away as she clutched on his sleeve. She stucked her tongue out, before latching her lips onto Seungmin's neck.

  


"No no no Yuri." he breathed out, and before his brain could black out, he switched their positions, and he pulls away from her aggressively.

  


"Stop this bullshit Yuri, _please_."

  


Even in the dim lights she looked so vulnerable. She probably wasn't used to hearing 'stop'.

  


He didn't care.

  


He didn't fucking care anymore.

  


"It's because of Hyunjin, isn't it? You'll always see me as your friend and admirer and nothing more."

  


Seungmin lowered his head, his hands still gripping her wrists.

  


"Something like that."

  


"I thought you wanted me. Isn't that why you invited me to Year End's as your date?"

  


"I didn't fucking invite you, Yuri, you invited yourself!" Seungmin said, suddenly snappy and rude. "Now dressed yourself up, so I can take you home."

  


Seungmin was a completely selfish asshole, because he didn't think even for a second just how humiliated Yuri must have felt as she put her clothes back on. He didn't offer her any words of comfort, while she sobbed. He wasn't feeling very kind. Not at all.

  


He had definitely made Hwang cousins cry left and right.

  


He just fucking did that.

-  


  


Seungmin made it back just in time to see Hyunjin and Yeji being crowned Year End's King and Queen.

  


It was like expected though.

  


He already hated everything about tonight, but he didn't feel like adding a slow song to the list that's why he didn't stay to witness the King and Queen dance.

  


What he didn't also witness though is that Hwang Hyunjin, his free-spirited and loud friend, was just quiet at the whole night, not being entertained at everyone's and his girlfriend's presence.

  


-

  


After that meaningful night, Hyunjin didn't came home on to their dorm. And it made Seungmin worried all night that he ended up sleeping at the dawn.

  


They became distant on to each other after the incident.

  


Hyunjin didn't bother him anymore unlike before that he keeps on pestering him until he decided to accompany him on his party days with his circle of friends.

  


Seungmin could now go to their dorm earlier and could finally study his lessons properly.

  


But is that a good sign though?

  


How would that be a good sign if Hyunjin kept on coming late at night, the smell of alcohol lingering their room. Every time he would try to approach him, the only acknowledgement Hyunjin would gave him was a rise of his eyebrows, sometimes he would gave him _nothing._

  


_He's not manning up, Jesus._

  


One night turned into weeks. And guess what, he can't fucking breathe every time he's there. It feels like one pair of predator has been watching him every time he's at the dorm. He feels so small every time he's with him.

  


Oh God, why is he doing this to him?

  


One afternoon, before going to his next class, he decided to went on to the males' comfort room so that he could wash his face. While washing his face though, he heard the click of the doorknob, he turned his gaze at the mirror. And there, he saw those sharp eyes of his best friend. He looked so tired, and stressed. His hair's kinda messy though. 

  


Is he having a hard time?

  


"Hey, Seungmin, my brother." 

  


Hyunjin walked beside him, he began washing his hands there, while Seungmin, in the other hand, just froze there, his eyes still staring at his best friend intently.

  


"Guess what, I had finally found a good job, it's a very _good_ one. I could be able to earn money more than that non sense job of yours."

  


It must be related for his dancing skills, he guess. 

  


Seungmin smiled at him genuinely.

  


"That's good for you, man." 

  


He was about to leave the comfort room when he felt Hyunjin's hands gripping his wrist. He pulled him and pinned him on the wall, his front body facing the wall. He felt the older's hands on his hips, hot breath's ghosting his nape and ear.

  


" _Don't go_ , Seungmin–" he whispered to his ear.

  


He didn't know what Hyunjin meant at that, is he referring to him leaving the comfort room? Or is it him leaving the country soon?

  


"I-i'm sorry, I have to go. I still have one class left–"

  


"I'll do anything just to provide our needs for the future. I'll do anything for you, for _us_. Just, just don't leave me."

  


_What?_

  


What does he fucking mean?

  


_Just don't leave me._

  


Those words hit him hard. But his dream was the real deal here, he doesn't want to leave, but he should, he _need_ to. It's for the best of them. 

  


"I'll gonna go now, bro." He pulled away from Hyunjin's grip and started to run out of the comfort room with his teary eyes.

  


  


-

  


Seungmin expected that he would easily have to say goodbye to Neverland, just like Peter Pan did.

  


But he was so busy worrying over his best friend coping with all of the sudden changes, that he never imagined it would be him having trouble adjusting.

  


He was in the middle of exploring his thoughts when Hyunjin messaged him, asking Seungmin if he wanted to hang out like nothing happened.

  


And he did.

  


But whenever they were together, Seungmin felt so ashamed of himself that he couldn't bear it.

  


Guilt-ridden to the core, he made his usual "I'm busy" excuses and decided to remain at the dorm, not until Hyunjin called him.

  


"What the fuck, Seungmin!" he could hear how loud Hyunjin was through the speaker of the phone.

  


"What?"

  


"Stop pretending like shit, bro. I'm so very tired of your excuses. Just join me tomorrow and we'll doing party at the club."

  


He was about to protest when Hyunjin stopped him.

  


"Oops, not buts, Mr. fuckin' Kim. I'll gonna meet you tomo. Goodbye, my very best dude."

  


Seungmin couldn't help but to sigh heavily, _Hwang Hyunjin, you're really something else._

  


-

  


  


Seungmin was surprised.

  


Hyunjin organized Seungmin's going away party without him knowing, and it was grand and amazing and everyone was there. Songs at 60s was blasting around the entire time.

  


Seungmin was busy talking with their soccer team when they suddenly turned their attention to the clunking of Hyunjin's fork against his glass.

  


"I would like to make a speech, so all you fuckers better shut your ugly mugs and mouths for a second."

  


  


"I heard a couple of you wondering why I conducted this, so I'll explain. Clearly you're not cool enough to know what a theme party is." Hyunjin smirked and snickered at the boos from the usual source of those voice.

  


Seungmin started to observe every people at this rented club.

  


All of their friends were there. But he asked himself 'why there were so _many_ people around?' He didn't even know those guys who keep on sticking closer to Hyunjin, maybe there were just Hyunjin's senior or alumnus from his dance department.

  


His eyes instantly bored to Hyunjin. He suddenly realized something as he began observing him. His weight loses, and his _eyes_. Why does they look like languid and weak?

  


"You guys don't know this, but when we were young, Seungmin's favourite country is U.S. He kept on practicing English words before, but that's not the point. The point is he dreamed of going to that country so I know States holds a special place in my best friend's heart. And what's important to him, is important to me. Which is why I chose a New York themed party." He winks at Seungmin. "Seungmin, my brother, I hope you would enjoy your stay at U.S. Don't you ever, ever forget us okay?"

  


Seungmin didn't even noticed Hyunjin's friends' smirk and grin as he nodded at Hyunjin's statement. He was busy trying his best not to cry. He nodded at Hyunjin's question though.

  


"So let's all raise our glasses and drink to Seungmin's best."

  


"To Seungmin!"

  


The song began to change into a loud, booming one.

  


Seungmin began entertaining his friends gladly, he's quite enjoying the party without knowing what would happen tonight.

  


On the other hand, Hyunjin shut the door behind him, leaning against the side wall as he retrieved the small plastic bag from his pocket.

  


He opened the plastic bag, sniffing lightly and immediately catching a strong but slightly sweet smell, almost fruity. In hindsight, Hyunjin figured this was probably a dangerous idea but he was never exactly known for living safely so, _come what may_. He doesn't want to lose another person in his life, _there's no other fuckin' choice_. 

  


He jolted on his standing position when Yugyeom, an alumni from his department, extended another plastic of drug.

  


"Here ya go, whipped boy. Enjoy your night with your cute best friend." 

  


"Fuck off, dude. He's _mine._ " Hyunjin stated as he aggressively took the drug, trying to protect Seungmin from his asshole friend.

  


"Chill, he's all yours. He's kinda interesting but will not gonna lay my hands off him." He chuckled before closing the door.

  


Hyunjin absentmindedly chuckled as he sprinkled the drug on to the drink. Seungmin will not gonna plan on leaving him once he took a sip of this drink.

  


Once he had finished his business, he went out of the room to find his oh so lovely dandy best friend. It didn't took long enough to find him sitting at the sofa, he just sat there while watching the crowd having the time of their lives.

  


As expected, he's not into fucking partying.

  


"Hey, Seungmin, my best dude!"

  


Seungmin turned his attention to Hyunjin, he just gave him a smile, a smile that he couldn't afford to lose.

  


"How long have you been sitting there?" he shouted as he sat beside Seungmin, only the two of them occupied the seat.

  


"Not that long yet– oh thank you." Seungmin took the glass of vodka as Hyunjin extended it to him silently.

  


He took a sip on his drink, and Hyunjin just watched him intently at the corner of his eyes.

  


"Hyunjin, man, I can't even begin to thank you for everything."

  


"C'mon Seung, there's no need for that, it's no biggie." Hyunjin half smirked, pleased. "I saw your eyes tearing up during my speech. I knew you'd like it."

  


"I loved it. Everyone did."

  


Hyunjin stared at Seungmin with his dilated eyes. He took his opportunity to witness how beautiful his friend is, why the fuck didn't he appreciated this fragile look before? "I'm glad you like it." Hyunjin laughed. "You fuckin' baby."

  


Hyunjin held the younger's shoulder and there, he noticed how Seungmin flinched. He grinned though. _The real show was just getting starting._

  


"By the way, Hyunjin, where's your girlfriend, why can't I see her in here?" Seungmin asked as he tried to look for Yeji.

  


Hyunjin simply puts his arm on the back rest of the sofa. He's leaning closer to Seungmin, inhaling his natural scent. "I broke up with her."

  


" What? Why?"

  


"I cannot stand her bitchy side anymore. It doesn't matter now though. What matters now is _us_."

  


Seungmin seemed like he didn't fully understand what Hyunjin had stated as he watched the party lights appear in front of them while Hyunjin played with his purple-colored hair. His eyebrows furrowed at the view. His brain slowly began fogging up until the rays of lights seemed to flicker along with the beating of his heart.

  


What the fuck is happening here?

  


"Man, you okay?" Seungmin stared at Hyunjin, who is looking at him with full of concern. He nodded softly, not wanting his friend to get worried. The distance of their face instantly became close.

  


His eyes shut close. Despite of him being seated comfortably, he felt like he was standing at the top of a mountain, and then felt like letting a tidal wave of warmth, security, and absolute apathy washing over him.

  


"Hey–"

  


Seungmin's irises became dark as he opened his eyes, he gave a single hum at Hyunjin, not minding those guys from earlier looking at them triumphly. A small trickle of sweat traveled down the pale, delicate skin.

  


"It's hot..." Seungmin whispered absentmindedly, his vision fogging.

  


Hyunjin _stared_ at him, pupils blown wide turning his bright eyes into pitch black voids, devouring Seungmin with a look. The air became heavy and hot, the smoke suddenly suffocating the both of them. 

  


In an instant, Hyunjin wrapped his arms around Seungmin's frame, helping him stand and walk. "Lemme get you out of here Seungmin." He brought Seungmin to a private room, and once they have reached the room, the concern look from Hyunjin's face instantly turned into fiery, serious one.

  


Hyunjin pushed his best friend on to the bed. Seungmin was able to used his arms as a stand, not wanting to fall into unconsciousness despite feeling weak all over his body.

  


"I-I need a drink," Seungmin muttered, throat feeling dry.

  


"Here," Hyunjin called out, reaching into the paper bag and retrieving a bottle of Coke. He watched his best friend foolishly drank the Coke with his shaky hands.

  


Seungmin was not done yet drinking when Hyunjin took the bottle from him. He could feel Hyunjin's presence standing in front of him, until he shuddered when the older reached out, taking the eyeglass away from his face, and stroked the side of his face.

  


The hand traveled down slowly, smearing sweat along Seungmin's body before trailing down the collar of his coveralls and plucking the buttons.

  


Seungmin slapped the hand away, suddenly pulled down from his high, " _No_ ," he gasped out, slapping away Hyunjin's hands as they insistently probed at him, "I said _no_ ," Seungmin scrambled away, slapping his best friend's hand back and crawling backwards away from him, " _Don't do this._ " he whined weakly, immediately trying to stand only to tumble backward clumsily, the mattress suddenly shifting beneath his feet in uneven patterns. He looked up at the haze of smoke around the room, seeing the shapes twist into gnarly patterns, distorting the room around him.

  


Hyunjin giggled as he approached, seemingly only like a giant, malicious shadow in Seungmin's eyes, " _Exactly what I was expecting._ "

  


Seungmin could feel him more than he could see him, his hands feeling white hot as they plucked the buttons of his coveralls, rolling it down his shoulders. Seungmin fought him as best he could, swinging his arms at an image that kept shifting away. With a lucky strike, he took a handful of Hyunjin's hair and _pulled,_ still managing enough strength to hurt the man. Hyunjin growled, prying his hands off before backing away.

  


Before Seungmin could even attempt to sit up, Hyunjin returned, sitting on his chest and pinning his arms to his side, " _Get off, stop–_ " Seungmin choked as a bottle was suddenly stuffed into his mouth. The Coke tasted excessively sweet as if magnified by all the drugs floating around in his system. Hyunjin kept his head propped up, forcing him to drink the entire bottle even as Seungmin sputtered and suffocated under the constant flow, the sticky fluid pouring all over his face and soaking his hair. At the very bottom of the bottle, Seungmin could taste it, a foreign, almost medicinal bitterness while his body became weaker and weaker.

  


Hyunjin removed the bottle, pinning Seungmin down by the shoulders as the boy coughed violently. The smoke wafting through the air was no longer welcoming, preventing him from taking in a full breath of clean air to ease the burning in his lungs.

  


"You… _you_ …" Seungmin choked out between coughs, hands finding his Hyunjin's face once more but unable to even close his fingers, "H-how could you do this to m–" He nearly threw up when Hyunjin shook him before slapping a hand over his mouth. He cried out but his pleas were muffled, unable to gather enough strength to shout through.

  


A hand carded through Seungmin's hair, petting it uncharacteristically soft "Did I told you before how fucking innocent you are when you look at me with that pretty eyes of yours? You suddenly reminds of our younger years." Hyunjin asked him amusingly, "You look like a puppy, oh yes Seungmin, you're _my puppy–_ " he laughed before he proceeded to roll Seungmin's coveralls down his torso. His overall upper clothes were taken away in a blink of an eye.

  


The jarring movement nearly made Seungmin faint; he lay limply against the mattress, eyes shut trying to quell the spinning pain in his head. Hyunjin laughed as Seungmin kicked at him when he removed his shoes, tossing them away before rolling his coveralls down his legs and tossing them aside, leaving the boy in nothing but a simple boxer shorts.

  


Hyunjin let out a slow whistle, pressing a hand on Seungmin's left calf. "I really do love your legs, _pup_." He giggled, watching with amusement as Seungmin squirmed under his touch.

  


Seungmin propped himself up on his elbows. Eyes still shut, he dragged himself forward, knees clumsily scraping at the sheets trying to find some leverage. He squealed loudly as he felt a hand on his ankle, dragging him back. He just wanted to get the fuck out of here, but the drug was stopping him in doing it so.

  


In response, Hyunjin hooked his hand around his neck and dragged him forward, choking him until Seungmin's back and head fell against the sheets. Seungmin cried at desperation. "This is only fair, I let you take my best product." Hyunjin cooed into his ear, violating it as thoroughly as he could with his lips, tongue, and teeth, kissing it when Seungmin didn't fought back. "Pretty." Hyunjin whispered to his ear.

  


Seungmin couldn't twist his head away and his body was too weak to fight back, he could feel how his body started to lose energy, his panting became fast. " _Chan hyung._ " He choked out, crying to his other friend for help.

  


Hyunjin wasn't happy at the plea for help; Seungmin could tell by the way his arm tightened around his neck, shutting him up and cutting off his airflow. With his eyes shut tight, Seungmin didn't even notice Hyunjin's second hand ripping off his shorts and there, he plunging two dry fingers inside him. Eyes snapping open, his whole body tense and screaming, Seungmin's cry for help died in his throat, choked silent. Hyunjin was punishing him for his transgressions, for daring to say someone else's name while he worked Seungmin pliant in his hand. Hyunjin was taking his virginity. He only tightened the grip around Seungmin's neck when his friend's eyes landed on him, desperate pleading without words for relief from the burning ache in his lungs and the growing, hot pain between his legs.

  


He couldn't stop crying. Seungmin didn't want this at all. This is not real, right? This is not his best friend in many years, punishing him, right?

  


Hyunjin granted him no reprieve from either, threatening to choke the life right from him, " _Seungminnie,_ " He purred. Seungmin flinched at the sound, "If you promise not to fight me, I'll be _gentle_. Alright?" The deal was barbed in every sense but the haziness caused by the weed and the drugs coupled with his lack of oxygen made Seungmin compliant. Squeezing his eyes shut, he nodded with the slightest movement of his neck. Satisfied, Hyunjin released him, his arm resting around his torso as Seungmin pulled in a deep breath and coughed violently, "Good boy."

  


" _Stop... it,_ Hyunjin." Seungmin grumbled out, crying out again when Hyunjin shoved him to the bed, crushing Seungmin with his weight. Just the mere action of supporting his weight on his elbows and knees robbed Seungmin all his strength, leaving him still pliant under Hyunjin's attention.

  


Hyunjin began working his mouth down to Seungmin's mouth, kissing his lips with needs while his fingers continued to search his inside rigorously, scissoring apart, constantly twisting, making Seungmin's toes curl at the gesture. He suddenly moaned like a crying puppy when Hyunjin's fingers twisted _just right_ , striking a sensitive spot that Hyunjin would love to _torture_ just to see Seungmin writhe, " _Help,_ no..." He accidentally cried out, his voice cracking.

  


"That's much better, pup." Hyunjin hummed, giggling lightly as he continued to finger that one spot, his other fingers working on Seungmin's nipple. He giggled again when Seungmin rested his arms down the sheets as the sign of surrendering. With one hand on Seungmin's naked chest, he shoved the boy into the sheets, caressing his smooth, upper body while his other hand continued to violently probe him, "Everyone doesn't have to know. I won't say a word. And you won't either, right?"

  


His parents would get angry if they knew, his other friends too. They would still _love_ him after this, right?

  


His mind is too muddled to make a choice, Seungmin crushed his eyes shut and begged, " _Stop_. Please stop," He squealed again when Hyunjin pulled off his boxers. The back of his arms slapped the mattress hard, laying there limp as the drug worked its way deeper into his system.

  


Despite of his strength decreasing, Seungmin's sensitivity increases as if it was trying to compensate for the loss of his energy. He gasped weakly when Hyunjin spread his legs apart, reaching into the paper bag to retrieve a condom. He tore the packet open with his teeth, snickering as he slipped it over his own erection and climbed over Seungmin.

  


"Look at me," He cooed, leaning in and panting into Seungmin's ear, " _Look at me, Seungminnie_ ," He whined huskily, breathing against Seungmin's cheek, "I SAID FUCKING LOOK AT ME!" He growled suddenly when Seungmin still refused to comply.

  


Choking down a sob, Seungmin opened his eyes slowly, the world spinning even harder around him now as he twisted to look at Hyunjin. Despite everything around him being nothing but inky shadows, Hyunjin's face was crystal clear, sharp lines and vivid colours engraving themselves into his mind. The smile on his face echoing his _memories with him_ , their childhood memories, those high school days... The ideas sent his mind spiralling down into hysterics and Seungmin began to cry sadly.

  


Hands cupped his face, a quiet voice shushed him as lips glided over his own, "Shhh, don't cry. I promise it'll be good. You'll like it," Seungmin convulsed under him when Hyunjin pressed a harsh kiss to his lips, sloppy, erotic noises slipping from his lips as he devoured his best friend, distracting him, spreading Seungmin's thighs apart and shoving himself inside.

  


Seungmin threw his head back, breaking away from the kiss, as his back arched, _screaming_ if he had a voice. Hyunjin's head thrown back as Seungmin squeezed around him. Seungmin's tight, unused virgin hole couldn't take all of Hyunjin in the first thrust so he pulled back before shoving himself back into the tight heat. The lubricant along with the condom made the motion easier, but he pulled back again before finally shutting his eyes closed at the sheer ecstasy. "Oh God, pup, can't believe we're doing this, this is so, _so good_ ".

  


Seungmin whined at resignation. He can't believe it too, he can't believe Hyunjin's taking his virginity like this. He doesn't want this. But that doesn't matter anymore. No one will hear them anyway. No one will notice them. It'll gonna be the only two of them, having their own world, fucking and destroying each other's lives.

  


  


  


  


-

  


The air was ice cold as Seungmin shuddered awake. He felt sticky all over his body. The smell of weed and sex clung to his skin, almost suffocating him back into unconsciousness. If it wasn't for the scent of sweet, morning coffee gently wafting through the room, he would've passed out again. 

  


Seungmin pushed his body up from the foreign bed slowly, stumbling when his arm wobbling. He examined the room noticing how different their room to this one.

  


The memories returned in a deliberately slow manner, cruel reminders of the lust forced upon his body and system. Hyunjin fucked him against everything, against the wall, the sheets, bending him over a desk and ravaging him relentlessly.

  


Seungmin let out a stupid, pathetic laugh that sounded like sobbing.

  


He was trying to reach the ground with his feet when he instantly realized that he was wearing a fresh shirt, this was Hyunjin's favorite shirt. Why would he let him use this?

  


Seungmin instantly looked at the doorway, the creak of the door can be heard. And there, it flexed his best friend's malicious smile. In a blink of an eye, he could feel the slightest tremble in his shoulders.

  


"Good morning, my best, dude. Wanna have some coffee?"

**Author's Note:**

> Part 2? Part 2. :)
> 
> There will gonna be a part 2 for this, so stay tuned y'all <3


End file.
